Managing Disappointment, Betrayal, and Setbacks
As humans, we all want to be happy and experience life with as little hurt as possible. But life isn’t that simple, and we all deal with obstacles. Whether it’s disappointment, betrayal, a life setback, or all of the above, these experiences are natural and require us to get through them effectively. However, that’s easier said than done. Based on our past traumas, triggers, and current emotional regulation and intelligence, or ability to get through challenging life experiences can vary.
Over the past year, I have dealt with many challenges and have learned and continue to learn how to effectively process, learn from, and get through them. Let’s discuss how these challenges can appear in our lives and effective ways to cope and manage them.
Acknowledge and Process Emotions
Everyone reacts differently to negative experiences. Some of us shut down emotionally, pushing our feelings to the back. Others may hyperfocus and ruminate on the experience. Both can be detrimental to your mental and emotional health. For instance, ignoring a breakup or job loss could keep you from learning important lessons from the experience. What were the signs of the upcoming event? Was it a good fit, and how can you move forward? And is there any room for improvement on your part? For those who ruminate, meaning you’re constantly thinking about the experience, do you want to keep reliving the same negative experience, or would you rather believe you can be happy again? When it comes to emotions, finding that balance is essential. It’s vital to acknowledge your feelings and emotions and understand how this experience has impacted you and what you need to do to become emotionally well again — processing your emotions to increase emotional intelligence and better regulate them.
Since starting my wellness journey, I’ve worked on improving my emotional regulation. This allows me to fully process my emotions and think about how to proceed in a way that’s not only healthy for myself but others in my life. In the scenarios listed above, I have been in both situations, where I was either avoidant or anxious in responding to a negative experience. I’ve come to realize that those responses were not balanced and often contributed to more issues down the line. I am now working on confronting and processing my feelings head-on. Here are some techniques I use:
Ways to Acknowledge and Process Emotions:
Write down your emotions in a journal
Name and classify your emotions
Release emotions through creative outlets
Meditate and reflect on emotions
Express and Share with Your Support System
Sometimes sharing setbacks, failed relationships, or unsuccessful endeavors can be embarrassing, causing us not to open up about our experiences. This could be from a lack of vulnerability or perceived connection with others. However, sharing these situations with friends and family can build trust and open the door to support. It’s important to know who you can go to in your time of need, since things will always happen throughout life, and it’s not human nature to live life alone. Using our previous example of losing a job or going through a breakup, support can lessen the blow in these situations. For instance, a support system can send you job vacancies or connect you with their professional network. Or they can get you out of the house, cheering you up while you adjust to single life.
In cases where there is a limited support system or professional assistance is required, wellness coaches, therapists, counselors, and psychologists may assist, depending on the scope of practice needed. In some cases, social media groups can be a great way to seek peer counseling or support from others in similar situations.
In the past, I preferred to suffer in silence and get through situations by myself. I realized I was only isolating myself and making things much harder. Now, I share more with my partner, best friend, and family, allowing them the chance to see me vulnerable, giving them the ability to help. Remember, “Closed mouths don’t get fed.” Open up to the people you trust, and they will show up for you.
How to Build a Support System:
Check in and reconnect with friends, family members, and colleagues
Join clubs or social media groups with similar interests
Build your professional network through conferences and workshops
Seek trusted mental health or behavioral professionals for coaching or therapy
Plan to Move Forward and Take Action
How we perceive challenges and setbacks, and how we take action, determine if and how fast we can move forward. If no action is taken to move on or offset challenges, you could be at risk of developing learned helplessness. This is where individuals stop believing in their ability to control or change their lives, resulting in passivity and a loss of motivation to improve their situations. This phenomenon is common across most dynamics in life, causing people to quit school completely after a few failed classes, becoming avoidant and dismissive of relationships after a couple of heartbreaks, or giving up on exercise after not losing enough weight. Sometimes things don’t work out, and failure or setbacks may occur before getting it right. However, the people more likely to succeed are those who use failure as a learning tool and believe they can do better: self-efficacy, an individual’s belief in their capacity to achieve and accomplish tasks and produce outcomes. The critical question is, do you have self-efficacy? Do you believe in your ability to succeed despite all of life’s challenges?
How to Develop Self-Efficacy:
Set small goals and progress to bigger ones
Seek a mentor, role models, and learn from them
Look for opportunities to practice and receive feedback
Learn how to manage stress better
Develop the skillsets and tools needed to achieve your goals
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I am a therapy student and also working on my wellness coaching certification. This blog is a way for me to continue to learn about the practice and share my experiences in the hopes that they will resonate with others. I look forward to your subscription and to checking out my other content.
