How to Get Through a Breakup: 5 Helpful Tips
Relationships are a natural part of how we learn, grow, and navigate life as people. Most of us naturally desire romantic connections, which vary based on personality, education, maturity, culture, and the capacity to grow, among other factors. A great deal is involved in our ability to connect with others and sustain meaningful relationships. Still, we all, at some point, find ourselves experiencing the end of connections we once never wanted to end. A breakup is the end of your love journey or romantic partnership with the person who was your designated partner for some time. At the moment, this could feel like an earth-shattering event, but this is a natural part of life and something you can benefit from in the long run. Yes, breakups are meant to end an old cycle of connection and initiate a new cycle of self-exploration, rebuilding, and preparing for future connections. Let’s take a look at some tips to help you get through breakups in a healthy way.
Process Your Feelings and Emotions
After a relationship ends, some are tempted to quickly find another partner (a rebound) or seek out other people to distract them from the pain. However, this level of avoidance will resurface later on; it always does. Take the time to process the heartbreak; it is normal to grieve the relationship, no matter how healthy or toxic it was. You used to be with someone, and now they are no longer in your life. You must create space within yourself to not only accept this reality but also regulate your emotions in response to it.
Depending on the connection, you may experience a range of emotions, including embarrassment, shame, guilt, resentment, anger, sadness, confusion, loneliness, disappointment, or even relief. There's a lot to process after a breakup. If possible, find a mental health professional to help you get through this, or talk to trusted friends and family members. Either way, it’s essential to express your feelings.
Here are ways you can emotionally regulate after a breakup:
Write out feelings in a journal
Meditate or do a yoga session
Practice daily affirmations
Go on a run or walk
Attend a therapy session
2. Don't Point the Finger, Don’t Take it Personally
“My ex was crazy.” “She was this.” “He did that”. We often hear others point the finger at the other party. You may also look for ways to shift the blame onto the other person as a way to avoid reflecting on your part in the connection ending. A romantic, monogamous relationship takes two people, you and them. Granted, someone could have caused the ultimate decline and demise of the relationship by cheating or something unforgivable. Alternatively, it could have been an accumulation of various factors over time. But there is still something for you to learn, even if you are not the betrayer or main guilty party. There is always something you can take accountability for that will help you grow, not just in relationships, but within yourself. Pointing the finger does nothing but create more negative emotions and resentment that hinders your healing process.
Free yourself by accepting the situation, but from a healthier space. For example, thinking “We did not align in the area of morals and respect, so we shouldn't be together” is better than “I hate them, they cheated on me, it’s all their fault”. This doesn't mean you're not supposed to feel upset if you experienced betrayal or disrespect in the relationship; however, you should free yourself from taking others' disrespect personally. Instead, see it as something they have to work on. You may fear taking accountability for your wrongs and struggle to learn the lessons the other person has brought to your life. Or you may not want to care about the connection because they don't. Remember to stop making it about them; they are not you. You are your main priority now. By taking accountability for when you showed up poorly in the connection, depersonalizing the disrespect that involved you, and focusing on how you can learn from the breakup, you can avoid playing the blame game and move forward.
3. Get Back to Yourself, and Find Your New Self
“Losing yourself” is a key sign that the connection wasn't healthy. In a healthy relationship, you should still be able to maintain your mental health, friendships, hobbies, career, and overall well-being. Still, even in healthy relationships, there is a level of compromise that takes away from you as an individual. However, when you end a relationship, you regain all your time for yourself. You are no longer obligated to show up in any capacity in that person's life, unless children are involved. Granted, it could be tough to cut off the person you have spent so much time with, had life experiences with, and created memories with, but it's time to move on. By moving forward, you set yourself up to experience your new self. We are rarely the same person we were when we entered the relationship. Through age, time, experiences, and significant life lessons, we are constantly evolving. So, yes, you can go back to just being an individual, not having to worry about being in a “we”, but now you get to explore and work on building the new you or whoever you want to be. Where you may have lacked the space to grow in the relationship, you now have limitless space to grow as a single person.
How to explore who you are and make the most of your new singlehood:
Find a club, organization, or sport to join
Explore job or career options
Upskill with a new certification or school
Discover new spots in your area
Update your wardrobe or look
Work on your fitness and body goals
4. Forgive Yourself
You’ve processed your emotions, taken accountability, and started finding who you are again; now it's time to forgive yourself. When a relationship ends, we sometimes feel responsible for the whole thing. Again, the relationship took two people. It was never just you, there are always other factors, some within your control and some that never were not. However, you must forgive yourself for the moments when you didn't stand by your boundaries, or for the times when you may have given too many chances, or for the instances when you ignored red flags. Or when you stayed, knowing deep down you should've left. Maybe there were some crash-outs, ugly arguments, or nasty fights. Forgive yourself for being in these negative situations, for not having the proper tools, for not just walking away, and for simply being with the wrong person. This is an essential part of humanizing yourself and accepting that you're not perfect.
Having the self-awareness to reflect on yourself and the relationships you once agreed to be a part of takes strength and sets you up for a healthier dynamic in the future. Self-forgiveness keeps you from bringing shame, guilt, or projection into other future relationships. It will also give you the mental clarity and self-love you need as you start on your new phase of singlehood.
5. Start Your Wellness Journey
As you explore this new chapter of your life, now is the perfect time to start or revitalize your wellness journey. This is where you assess where you are mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, and identify what you need or want to work on. Remember, this is your personalized plan, and you can progress at your own pace, allowing you to achieve your goals and set new aspirations for yourself. Embarking on your wellness journey shifts your perspective from the breakup into one of empowerment, where you're growing deeper into self-actualization.
