How to Set Healthy Boundaries?
As a former people pleaser, learning to set boundaries has been a source of empowerment for me. And if you, like many others, are entering a season of choosing yourself, you may find yourself needing to set more boundaries. Instead of finding yourself in situations that leave you drained, disrespected, or even defeated, having boundaries can reduce your susceptibility to such negative experiences. By having boundaries and sticking to them, you protect and honor yourself. Let’s learn a little bit more.
What are Boundaries?
Boundaries are limits to what behaviors or experiences you are open to. They not only teach others how to treat you, but teach yourself about your own standards. Boundaries are personal and can look different for each individual. They can range from weak to healthy to rigid. Keeping in mind that boundaries are on a spectrum and have a major impact on your life, consider where yours lie:
Weak: Passive, lacks boundaries, weak foundation, or standard
Healthy: Has balance, fluctuations appropriate to the circumstance
Rigid: Difficult, goes overboard with boundaries
Types of Boundaries
When boundaries are mentioned, they are often considered in a general sense. However, boundaries can be broken down into specific types. This helps you to better formulate and understand your boundaries based on the circumstances. For example, do you like hugs? Or do you prefer not to be contacted past a specific time? By knowing yourself and your feelings in specific contexts, you can establish boundaries that reflect them.
Emotional: Regulates and limits the amount of emotional labor you extend
Physical: Protects your body, personal space, and comfort level for physical social gestures
Sexual: Defines what you do and don't consent to, your preferences, and comfortability
Digital: Your preferred form of contact, and when you wish to be contacted
Financial: How much money you choose to give or spend
Time: How much of your time do you extend
Having Healthy Boundaries & Examples
Having boundaries signifies you know and respect yourself, which will translate to many aspects of your life, whether it's relationships or work. When it comes to relationships with family, friends, and your romantic partner, maintaining boundaries is essential to ensuring your needs are met and you’re treated properly. This is also important in your work life and career as you want to be respected as a professional and maintain a healthy work-life balance. Sometimes it can be difficult to figure out what boundaries you wish to establish, here are a few general examples:
You may make the decision not to share your salary with family members and friends
You set limits for visitation, or when you are available to hang out
You limit how often and how much money you let others borrow
You don’t engage in conversations that make you uncomfortable
You don't wish to mix your professional or personal life
These are just some suggestions, however, you will need to reflect and decide what your boundaries are. It's important to remember that boundaries are not the same as expectations. They are not meant to control others' actions. They are just to reflect your values and standards. It is up to you to respond to how others react to your boundaries.
In most cases, boundaries are respected. In some instances, your boundaries may threaten others. Some may attempt to disregard them, be prepared to have a challenging conversation, or distance yourself from boundary violators. If you are in a work situation, a consistent lack of regard for your boundaries should either be reported or consider finding a healthier working dynamic.
Boundaries and Your Wellness Journey
As you continue your wellness journey, it’s natural to develop a deeper understanding of yourself and clarity. With this comes a need to establish who you are and what you will and will not accept. Start setting your boundaries and keep progressing in your journey. Need support? Feel free to explore more wellness resources and follow me on socials.
