How to Choose Yourself and Why It’s Important
What does it mean when someone says to put yourself first? Does this mean to ignore the needs of our family and friends, or to prioritize our own health and well-being? How can we know when this is the right action to take? In this blog, we will examine what it means to choose yourself and how we can do so when society pushes the opposite mantra. Women in particular often fulfill multiple roles at once and are raised to act as caregivers and people-pleasers. This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t work to nurture others, but we are allowed to maintain our own self-care.
What We’re Taught vs. What Actually Matters
Growing up, we’re taught to constantly prioritize others. We need to be team players, we need to cooperate, and we need to put the needs of our siblings above our own. Maybe you have been showing up for someone else for a while now. While we should always be as kind and generous as we can, it’s impossible to put others first without tending to our own needs. For example, you can’t be in a healthy and loving relationship without loving yourself. Is this selfish, or even narcissistic? No, it isn’t. It’s not selfish to put yourself first. Self-love is healthy, and it’s essential. We can’t meaningfully contribute to society without being the best version of ourselves. To do so, we have to understand our own thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
Why Choosing Yourself is Key for Leadership
If you’ve ever applied for a new job or internship, you know that it’s common to question your self-worth and doubt your abilities. We try to be the perfect peers, teammates, group members, and so on. When becoming a leader, we need to trust our instincts and align with our goals. Especially for women in leadership roles, this can be difficult. It often seems like no one is on our side, and women have to make more sacrifices to conform to work pressures. Knowing our own value and what we bring to the table is important because we have to fulfill expectations of perfection that are often unattainable. Learning how to say no to draining tasks and yes to exciting ones helps maintain your confidence and effort.
How to Start Choosing Yourself
What are some ways to start choosing yourself? Let’s discuss some daily habits and methods that you can take to ensure that you are in your best physical and emotional health.
First, know your boundaries. If you are feeling under the weather or drained, it’s ok to skip an event if you need to. Even though this might disappoint your friends, it's the right decision for your health and wellness. Remember that it’s ok not to say yes to everything. Saying no can feel uncomfortable, so it’s important to practice this. Don’t leave every task to yourself. Delegate one to others that you might need to do yourself. Take breaks and get the right amount of rest. Boundaries aren’t about closing other people out of your life, but about supporting your own health.
Have non-negotiables. Maybe this means sticking to a strict routine or schedule. For instance, every night at 8 pm, you turn off your phone notifications so you can focus on your own work and get ready to go to sleep. This may lead to a few missed messages, but it will drastically improve your overall stress levels before bedtime. These little habits will help keep you grounded and will ensure that you aren’t overworking yourself for others. Prioritizing rest and happiness will boost your mental and emotional health, and you will feel as if you are taking care of yourself. Burnout is real, and especially for women, who often feel we have to take on multiple roles at once.
Celebrate your accomplishments! If you just received a high-performing grade on a test or received an offer for your dream job, you should feel proud of yourself. Don’t feel the need to diminish your own achievements or to move on to the next chapter too fast. It’s good to remind yourself of your own wins and capabilities. You can treat yourself or go on a solo date. Enjoying your own company is so beneficial, and you might not even feel lonely. Trust yourself and believe in what you can achieve.
Surround yourself with other high-achieving people. If you are with those who criticize your accomplishments instead of championing you, then they aren’t the right people to have in your inner circle. Focusing on building a circle of growth and positivity will go a long way towards being your best self. The environment you live in matters. If you customize it to your own success, you will be involved with people who push your growth.
Validate yourself and don’t be afraid to speak up. Whether this means asking for support at work or school, or being honest about what makes you uncomfortable, know that you have a voice and can use it. You will see just how powerful your impact can be, whether this means your voice or your actions. Speak kindly to yourself in the mirror. Remind yourself that mistakes are necessary to grow.
The Impact of Choosing Yourself
Once you fully embrace the art of choosing yourself, others will notice your newfound effort and confidence. This will create a ripple effect because your energy shift can also apply to your friends and family, and to anyone with whom you come into contact. You will present yourself as capable and worthy, as you have chosen to lead yourself with purpose and intention. You aren’t even choosing yourself only for you, but for everyone around you. Choosing yourself will not solve all your life problems. You won’t suddenly know the answer to every question in your life, or what is always the right path to take. But you can stop waiting for validation from others and start to gain self-respect.
Choosing Yourself for Your Own Wellness
This process is directly related to your individual health and wellness journey. Feel free to check out our other wellness resources related to personal growth, positive development, and self-esteem on our website and social media.